What to Change

Before diving into changing anything, all self-development is rephrasing a few blunt facts:

  1. Other people have hurt you, and it’s now your problem to fix inside yourself.
  2. Nobody cares about you as much as you do, with the possible exception of God.
  3. You’re fully responsible for what you do, even when you’re unaware, no excuses.
  4. You’re currently reaping what Past You did, and Future You will feel what you do today.
  5. The limit of what you can do for you is how much you believe in you.
  6. Pain is always a sign that something is at risk, but that might be a good thing.
  7. You can do almost anything on these guides, no matter how daunting they feel, once you’re past the first frustrating parts.

Your journey is unique to you because your problems and the order you attack them will be unique.

Aim for Adequacy

It doesn’t really matter where you start. Changing something will ripple out to everything else, and you’ll soon find that accomplishing a later objective required the cumulative skills of the previous years’ worth of training before it.

You’re already “good” at some things, which you can spread across others to become “adequate” at everything:

When you’re not good at something, your consequences get way worse as you get older. This also makes meaningful results harder as you age, too.

Don’t set high standards. I know from personal experience that, like most people, I suck at many things. Working at failings makes your more redeeming qualities shine brighter, but you typically won’t become the master with something you’re not naturally talented with.

Don’t Waste Your Time

Please do not read things you’re already proficient on. I didn’t write this to be particularly entertaining, so please browse my other stuff instead. I’m occasionally updating and adding Guides, but you should outgrown this content if I’ve succeeded.

To save you the trouble of scrolling in impatience, I’ve also added a TL;DR (Too Long; Didn’t Read) version of what to do.

Start Small

Focus on only 1 very easy, specific thing that takes less than 2 minutes to perform. Premeditate what you will do: “When X happens, I will do Y”.

Stay consistent. If you do one small thing every day, you’ll move faster than if you do a big thing once in a while.

Set reasonable goals that you believe you can achieve. Go after bigger ones after you do those. Only try to do what you know you can achieve.

Always parse out your observations, feelings, needs, and desires, and never simply say “I should do [thing]”:
  • We have a nasty habit of driving ourselves to misery through constant self-deception about who we are.
  • Instead, divide out your desires into the syntax of “[Observation] has happened, which makes me feel [Feeling]. I need [Need]. Therefore, I now would like to [Desire].”
    • e.g., “I lost my job, which makes me feel worthless. I need a new job. Therefore, I now would like to search for a job.
  • However, our mental habits from our past often complicate this:
    • e.g., “I lost my job, which makes me feel worthless. I need a new job, which I don’t believe I can accomplish, and I have had trouble in the past, and hate myself.
  • The solution is to take it step-by-step and divide it out slowly:
    1. e.g., “I lost my job, which makes me feel worthless. I need a new job, which I don’t believe I can accomplish…(STOP)
    2. “I don’t believe I can accomplish the job hunt, which makes me depressed. I need a new job, but it’s hopeless…(STOP)
    3. “I feel hopeless because I don’t believe I can work for anyone.
    4. [therefore, I must change my belief about my incompetence]


If you don’t know where to start, here are some mix-and-match examples.

If you grew up in a good home:

If you’re a high school student or just starting out from your parents’ home:

If you’re starting your family or building your career:

If you’re coming out of a divorce:

If you feel like a washed-out failure or stuck in a rut:

If you feel like you never seem to have fun:

If you think nobody cares about you:

If you’re coming out of prison or grew up on the streets:

If you’re coming clean from an addiction:

Keep at it!

You can accomplish this. I promise. I don’t know you, but you obviously care to improve yourself because you’re reading this, which is more important than what you were born or raised with. Attitude is the most important thing, not aptitude.

Slow is smooth, smooth is steady, steady is fast. Aim for precision more than results. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and nothing worth doing is quick.

And, if you have all of those worked out, there are many specific skills modern society adds onto this.